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Nick Name: Tomoko
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About Deviant Member Nick Name: TomokoMalaysia Group :iconmeianroleplay: MeianRoleplay
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deviation in storage by Eltharion


caterpillartomoko has started a donation pool!
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I'm drawing for Points.This is my first time having Point Commissions. Be nice, please? :)

3 Points - 1 Head shot sketches (b/w)
5 Points - 1 Head shot sketches (colour)

10 Points - 1 Half body (b/w)
15 Points - 1 Half body (coloured)

20 Points - 1 Full Body (b/w)
25 Points - 1 Full Body (colour)


What I shall draw :
Original Characters. One at a time. I am not good at couples or groups yet. If you insists, then add on another 5 Points to your request.

Please provide basic description to your character.

What I shall NOT draw :
Nudes, explicit actions, gore, violence.

All completed drawings will be posted to dA.

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Nick Name: Tomoko
Lol don't let that ID fool you I won't do that.

Anyway just some random person in life that has nothing else to do but browsing dA .. as frequent as I can.

Likes :
Nice people, nice food, nice anime/games, RP ( role-playing )

Rude people ( and some other kinds ), smokers (and I mean those who do not consider about others. If there's a friend who smokes but knows how to not do it in front of me, I am ok with him/her. ) , drunks, spicy food, food that's bad for health. Really bad games etc.

Current Residence: Somewhere
Favourite genre of music: OST of games or anime or movies
Favourite photographer: darkphoenix15.
Favourite style of art: pencil and/or pen doodling. Currently practicing tablet doodle
Favourite cartoon character: My likings changes from time to time.
Personal Quote: Sarcastically Sane
I thank you guys for the kind comments and huggles. Here's one back :hug: :huggle: :tightsqueeze: 
So far mom is in talking terms again, and for the most time I just try avoid mentioning the obvious things. For now the laptop is upstairs so that mom does not need to see me FB-ing around for nothing. But I know this is not going to last. I have to come down sometime.

For the most part I know what needs to be done. The little wee bit of push from you guys is appreciated. Though the final step forward must be from my own. 

Hey guys, 
Sorry for the depressing title, but I hope I can get this off my chest. So to those who does not wish to get their lovely day ruined, please discontinue reading. 

When I enrolled a course back in year 2008, I hoped to have graduated with a degree and get a decent job.
However, that changed when my 2nd sis was diagnosed with diffuse large B cell lymphoma last August. 
I stopped that course just to be with her as she undergo chemotherapy at November last year until her passing this May. 

It was during one of those last days when mom came to visit 2nd sis and I left them to their private talk, mom later told me something like this : 
"Your sis suggested me to cut off your allowance, then see how you'd survive." 

As much as I was frustrated, I had no reason to get angry. Simply because mom knows best. 
Evidently, I had too much for granted (as firmly reminded by a once-known dA friend) and living the idle life. 

I was vaguely determined to finish the course, but from the time of 2nd sis's treatment, I lost that flame. The interest was running away and I had little intention to pick up where I left. 

I looked up things that get me going, trying to pick up some new hobby, such as sewing. Once again mother said that if I lack that inner patience I could never accomplish anything that requires big patience such as sewing. 

A month after 2nd sis' passing, my eldest sis gave birth to a second child. Her concern was mom could not handle two toddlers at the same time, so she asked for my help. I moved in, with mom's laptop with me, and my PSP, and started babysitting. 

But things are not doing well, the bigger toddler sees me not interacting with him and says he does not like me. Nor was I of help with the little new-born since that is mom's job. I was more of an extra pair of hands to deal with cleaning, bathing, throwing little things such as diapers, milk bottle washing, and keeping an eye on them while mom is bathing or using the toilet.  I took big sis' internet service for granted and browsed FB and iS talking to :iconnaunen: for the most part. Mom has all the reasons and the rights to get furious with me for "wasting my money and not attending courses." --- all the more right reasons to take my 2nd sis' advice and cut off any financial support. 
Afraid? Why, yes. 
Will it drive me to finish studies? I am not sure.
Will it drive me to go look for work? Certain enough. 
Will it drive me to lower my dignity and work at things I hardly find joy in? If I ever had to go that low, then I have to. 
Will I be happy with whatever work I might have? Doubt it. 

Last two days I hardly talked to mom, and when I tried to, there seems to be no point in starting a conversation.  I tried small talks such as "going to the bathroom" or "can I eat that?" and all she did was a wave of her hand.  I noticed she grows more white hair over night. 

Sometimes I wish I know what is she thinking, because times like this, I thought I know, but sometimes I do not. 
Saying "I'm sorry" does not seem I meant it in her eyes. How can I? I wonder if she's thinking I never do anything. 

I had to wonder, for someone who has been through poverty and carrying a great burden of feeding 8 mouths during her youth, what was mother thinking? What driven her to take up teaching? For the long term pension? She laid so many plans for us (my sisters and I) , taking music lessons, starting joint-accounts, invest a banking bond. Did she not had any hobby of her own during those days ? She never reads novels, because she thinks those are just escape from reality and served no purpose. 

I had wondered, if I were to just 'do it' and draw my stories, the ones :iconmegamijadeheart: keep craning their necks to look for, would I have accomplished anything? Maybe I might. 
That was 10 years ago. 
Why didn't I? 
Because I simply thought mom's words were true, that these things does not earn me a living and would only be more suited as a hobby than anything else. 
Do I still want to draw my own comic? Absolutely. 
Even if it was going to make me poor and die of hunger? Yes. Because that is still my dream---making my creations be reached to at least one viewer who finds interest in my story. 

Rowling went through some personal hurdles of her own before she made it to the Forbes list, she is not young, but she went through that. 

And whenever I took up John Hollond's test, I still ended up as the "Artistic" section. 
So why did I took up that course?
I said to mom before that in 2003-4 that "I studied because for you." 
And she replied back "If that's the case then don't you ever study and go get a job."
But this world ? This society I am in ? 
I need a cert to get a job that would give me bread to eat and roof to sleep in. 
So I took up that course, since I thought English was my strong point.
But this flame is fading, and I have little or no idea what would become of me, a now 33 going 34 single girl. 
I hated age limit in job descriptions, it makes us feel under-valued. And I hated even more with the educational requirements. 

No, all and all this rant is not about blaming others. 
I honestly do not know what I am writing now. Maybe I am self-blaming. I certainly sounded like micromanaging others and a jerk for being a nagger. 

The youngsters I see at cosplay group, I keep telling them to just go pursue what they want because I do not want them ended up like me right now. I wonder if that would make any difference. 

Bottom line is, I do not know where should I go from here. 
People had been offering me help and yet I do not know why I do not want to take some. 
Stubborn? Pride? Procrastinate? 
Yeah, they seem befitting me right now. 
Micromanaging ? Control freak? 
That sounds like me alright. Just look at the RPs I had with friends.. and how I run my volunteer dance group. 
Fear of the change and its outcome?
That is most certain of it.. 

I still do not know what should I do. 
Mom is still not in good talking terms with me.
Nor do I know if talking with my big sister about it would make any help for her with babysitting. 
Mom seems capable of looking after two of them now without much of my help.. So I wonder if it is time I ask sis to stop giving me allowance and go venture to something else?
Continuing my course? I still want to.. but the passion needs rekindling. 
Get some part-time job? I gotta fight with my inner demon and see just how low should I go and be ridiculed at in others' eyes..
Do I still want to cosplay? Yeah, maybe until I stop at being Prof. McGonagall somewhere age 50? 
Do I still want to draw my comics? Still do, despite the high-rise competitors. No.. I rather want my own pace in my comic, for pure reading fun and not getting people to chase for next chapters.. 

So what am I lacking?
Maybe just that one bit of courage to take the first step... 
... or simply mom's approval.. which seems so far away and out of reach.. 


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Journal History


Add a Comment:
SirBlix Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Hey. Long time no chat. how are things with you nowadays?
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014
down ^^;
SirBlix Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Aw, I'm sorry to hear that D:
DeidaraE Featured By Owner Jun 22, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

heyyy ^^
razziejazzie Featured By Owner Apr 23, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
No way! I used to see your art all the time on "Marauding Mayhem"
I just found your DA today haha
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014
Wow. "Marauding Mayhem". Ah, the memories of drawing those guys was quite fun XD. 
Thank you for remembering those fan arts.
Who are you in MM?
razziejazzie Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I always enjoyed looking at your art ^.^ 
I'm afraid I didn't do much in the forums, but I did submit a picture (which doesn't seem to be there anymore). I usually just hung around in the background, looking at the updates XD
Naunen Featured By Owner Dec 24, 2012
Happy Christmas!
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
Happy Christmas to you, too. Sorry this came late. I could hardly get online properly these days.
Naunen Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2012
It's okay. As long as you are doing well.
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Dec 29, 2012
Not so, afraid..
I'm down with cough and cold.. and doctor declared sis' condition as Stage 3 going 4 because it's spreading to other places now..
(1 Reply)
Axcido Featured By Owner Nov 11, 2012  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Nice gallery ^__^ ♥!
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2012
Oh, thank you for the compliment : )
darkLuciferZ Featured By Owner Jun 11, 2012  Hobbyist Artist
thanks for the watch..haha..i tried searching for your profile, but for...users..><;;;
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Jun 14, 2012
Thanks for the watch~
Deizzan Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
It's been too long, luv. Hope you're doing well and thank you for the well wishes.
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
Yeah it is. I hope I'm okay. (health-wise)
Lots of ups and downs really over here. But I'll keep going.
Deizzan Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2012
That's good, luv. Take care.
PyroKosia Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012
Whats new?
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2012
Hey there! Been a while.
Still alive, thank goodness. You?
PyroKosia Featured By Owner Apr 22, 2012
Still moving haha. Other than that the same.
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2012
Good good. :hug:
DeidaraE Featured By Owner Apr 2, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
heyyy wassuppp xD i was wondering what are those DrawPlz stuff in ur gallery? sounds interesting..=D how u doing anyway? ^^
caterpillartomoko Featured By Owner Apr 3, 2012
The DrawPlz stuffs were drawings that I did in the DrawPlz Forum. Basically just pick a thread and draw that the title is. Then download the image and re-upload to your gallery.
Other than that I'm ok. You?
sakariinokaze Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2012   General Artist
surprise tag out of fucking nowhere [link]
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